


All Those Words We Leave Unsaid

by kereia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Pining, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Relationship, Uneasy Allies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-17 08:58:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13655709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kereia/pseuds/kereia
Summary: A year after Crait, Kylo surrenders to the Resistance. Rey is sent to bring him in, but the First Order is not happy with their leader's defection and comes after him.





	All Those Words We Leave Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Paradisi (Apricot)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apricot/gifts).



 

Rey wrenches the Millennium Falcon into a tight turn, barely avoiding a collision with the debris of several TIE fighters they shot down a minute ago. She slingshots around the first asteroid in her path and dips low beneath the second, tipping the falcon into a vertical spin to avoid the oncoming fire.

She can hear shouts and muffled impacts in the corridor behind her but ignores them. Beyond the view screen, a dozen enemy crafts approach, and Rey breaks out in a cold sweat.

"Finn," she calls urgently over the coms as more and more ships enter the asteroid field in which they sought refuge.

"I see them," he replies, and she can hear the sound of the lower battery rotating into position.

Enemy fire glances off the shield, and Rey can feel the vibrations as a ripple through the Force. A TIE fighter explodes so close in front of her that she flinches, even as she frantically adjusts their course. Finn picks off two more vessels, but a third narrowly avoids his aim, blasting through the debris, the volley hitting the Falcon's starboard side head on. The ship shudders under the impact, and sparks fly around her as the ancient wiring overloads. There's a lurch, and Rey is thrown forward. The steering grinds itself into her stomach, driving the air from her lungs.

Behind her, bodies thud against the wall, and Kylo Ren is cursing a blue streak.

 

* * *

 

_Sitting cross-legged atop the Falcon, Rey was meditating when she felt Kylo brush against her mind._

_In the year since Snoke's death they had rarely talked, their connection fading with each passing month until nothing remained but the faintest echo of strong emotions. In the aftermath of Crait there had been recriminations on both sides — arguments full of anger and regrets – both holding fast to their convictions and neither willing to give an inch. Rey had shot him down in the end, had learned how to push him out of her mind as the last remnants of hope faded for him to see reason._

_He had disappointed her bitterly._

_Still, during the following months of silence, she had regained her equilibrium. Doing her part in the Resistance's efforts to regroup and enlist new allies had kept her mind and body busy, and if she occasionally awoke in the middle of the night haunted by the silent plea in deep, dark eyes, then those dreams were easily ignored._

_Most of the time._

_When he interrupted her meditation, her first instinct was to follow that same course of action, but curiosity got the better of her._

_Cautiously, she opened her mind, and her eyes soon followed to find him standing in front of her. She studied him in silence, noting the tension in his shoulders and the weariness that radiated off him — shallow waves that rippled through the bond and broke against her mind._

_"I want to surrender," he said quietly._

 

* * *

_Two days and a sheer endless number of council meetings later, Rey, Finn, and two guards disembarked on a small moon in the outer rim intend on collecting the First Order's latest defector._

_There had been several of them in the past months, as both Finn's efforts to reach out to the Storm Troopers among whom he'd grown up took root and rumors of infighting among the First Order's leadership grew in frequency as well as severity._

_Kylo Ren was waiting for them, eyes solemn, his gaze searching her expression then falling to the ship behind her._

_"She's not here," Rey said softly. "As you requested."_

_He nodded, eyelids fluttering as he swallowed convulsively, and Rey almost took a step back when she recognized the pain in his eyes. Then his gaze became shuttered, and the moment passed._

_"Thank you," he said and held his wrists out in front of him._

_Glancing over her shoulder, Rey nodded to one of the guards who stepped forward and clapped Kylo in irons. It was a symbolic gesture at best, but the Council had insisted on it._

_"I thought we'd decided to be enemies," Rey said, forcing a lightness into her tone that she didn't feel._

“ _We still can be, if you like.” His voice was composed and oddly devoid of emotion._

_She couldn't read the expression on his face and instinctively brushed against his mind. All she found was a solid wall._

“ _Planning to stab us in the back, already?” she asked._

_He shrugged. “For the moment, our interests align. Is that not enough?”_

“ _No.” Her tone was flat, her gaze a challenge._

_Kylo regarded her quietly. Then he nodded, his expression pensive. “Understood.” he said, his voice no more than a whisper. “Enemies, it is.”_

 

* * *

 

"I can help her," Kylo shouts above the clamor of the engines.

"We don't need your help," one of the guards replies, anger heavy in his voice.

Gritting her teeth, Rey pushes herself back into the pilot seat and forces the Falcon into a steep dive. The port stabilizers have given out, and the ship careens through the asteroid field as Rey frantically tries to maintain control.

She can hear Finn curse over the coms, and sends him a silent apology.

They were beset by enemy fire the minute they left the moon's atmosphere. Caught off guard, (and with Kylo swearing that he had nothing to do with it) they fled into a nearby asteroid field, hoping to evade the attack and jump to light speed the minute they came out on the other side. But with the stabilizer blown, their chances of success was waning with every minute.

"Let me help her," Kylo tries again, and Rey is surprised that he's actually trying to argue his case instead of enforcing compliance through other means. It's an uncommon show of self-restraint, which Rey suspects won't last long.

"She doesn't need your help. She can handle it."

She thinks she hears Kylo smash his fist into a wall, but she's too focused on avoiding crashing her ship to be sure.

"She's an outstanding pilot, which is the only reason we haven't been blown up, yet," Kylo accedes. "But I know this ship like the back of my hands. I can be useful."

There are three fighters on her tail, and she can't shake them. Finn is doing his best, but with the Falcon's erratic movement, it's impossible for him to aim, and most of his shots go wild, one clipping the wing of a TIE fighter by sheer luck. The vessel spins into the one behind it, and they both flare up before they fade to nothing.

But there is no time for relief. Pressing her lips together, Rey manages to weave through a cluster of smaller rocks only to find more fighters heading towards them. She pulls sharply to starboard heading deeper into the field. The steering vibrates in her hands. The engines whine in protest. And Rey realizes that they will never make it out of here, if they can't fix that stabilizer.

Then Kylo climbs into the co-pilot's chair.

"What happened to your guards?" she asks, keeping her eyes on the view screen.

"I thought it would be prudent for them to take a nap," he replies and reaches for the shield controls.

Ray throws him a sideways glance. "And I see you've taken your shackles off," she notes dryly.

"Well, it's not as if they were going to hold me," he says, and she can just hear him roll his eyes.

She grits her teeth, but they are fighting for their lives, and she needs his help.

“Can you fix that stabilizer remotely?” she asks as enemy fire rakes the shields. The asteroids are grouped closer together here, and she needs all her skill and concentration to avoid one threat. The shields will have to hold against the other.

Immediately, Kylo slips out of his chair and folds himself into the narrow foot space below. He opens a panel beneath the console. “No, but I can boost the others.”

That's when she sees it.

A large cluster of asteroids in front of her. Enemy ships flanking on all sides. A whole squadron of TIE fighters on their tail.

A trap.

Heart hammering in her chest, she frantically checks her readings, looking for a way out. There isn't one. She'd known it at first glance. The asteroids are tightly packed together. If the stabilizers were intact, then maybe, just maybe, she could thread the needle, but with the ship swerving from side to side, they will never make it.

The First Order opens fire.

Rey accelerates. She stops trying to compensate for the ships erratic movements, hoping it will make them a more difficult target.

Kylo's head pops up above the console. He assess the situation with a cool, dark gaze. “We'll have to push through,” he says levelly nodding towards the cluster.

“We'll never make it.”

“Use the Force.”

Rey looks for a gap, any gap big enough to allow them passage. The Falcon's shields are lit up under the constant barrage of canon fire. They won't hold much longer.

Sweat beads her brow. “I can't,” she shouts over the roar of Finn's furious retaliation. “I need to concentrate for that.” Never has she regretted leaving Ahch-To before her training was completed more. Teaching herself from the Jedi text she liberated from the island, proofed to be more difficult than she'd anticipated.

With a curse, she wrenches the controls to the side, and Kylo falls heavily against her legs. “You really,...uff, really don't.” he grouses as he pulls himself back into his seat.

“I really, really do,” she snaps, and the deflector shield flickers alarmingly. A shot goes through, piercing the hull. The impact shudders through the ship.

With an impatient, angry sound, Kylo reaches for the shield controls to his right. He uses his teeth to tear off his left glove.

“No,” he repeats and takes a deep breath. “You don't.” And then his fingers slip between hers, warm and solid, and the Force Bond flares open in her mind.

It's blinding and full with no barriers between them; Ben inviting her in, and Rey too caught off guard to fight it. She's sucked in, tumbling, deeper, down, down, down, until her mind is awash with sensation and power and...

 _Oh_ , she thinks, a little breathless.

It feels similar to the cavern on Ahch-To. Plunging headfirst into the water. That brief moment of panic as the icy waves close above her head. She sinks deeper into darkness, searching for the knowledge he offered her, and suddenly there is warmth... and a faint glimmer of light.

Submerged deep beneath the surface, it rises up as soon as she lays eyes on it, growing brighter with every beat of her heart. She reaches out, fear replaced by wonder, and a spark rushes from her fingertips through every nerve in her body.

Then she's standing in the cavern in front of the broken mirror, and Ben is there with her, the light cradled in his palm. “Here,” he says softly, offering it to her. “It's yours, if you want it.” His eyes are fathomless, and a part of her is ready to drown.

She takes a shaky breath, her eyes searching his face.

 _Perilous_ , a voice whispers on the wind. _Exhilarating_ , the waves rumble in reply.

Rey closes her eyes. _Trust_ , her heart sings, but she refuses to move.

She quiets them all, the voices, the doubts, the temptations.

In the back of her mind, a voice speaks up, calm and clear.

_Hope._

 

* * *

 

“R'iia's shorts!” she gasps as she takes hold of the Force. Elation rushing through her, she spirals upward through the bond, pulling Ben with her. He is point of access and anchor at once, until she finds her balance – sure footing on top of the waves – and then it's... not easy, never that, but possible.

And possible is all they need.

Asteroids drift apart – not much, but just enough – and the Falcon squeezes through, her ship flying straight and true. A single thought turns them towards open space. Another closes the gap behind them, and Finn clears a path through ships and rocks.

She feels the Force inside her veins, intoxicating, wild and joyful, and she laughs, drunk on the pulsing, heady swell of it. Beside her, she can sense Ben's tentative amusement, and she beckons him, pulls him with her to show him what she feels.

 _Don't let it overwhelm you_ , he cautions, his voice soothing and calm inside her head, but he follows her readily.

She takes a deep breath, steadying herself. They're alive, but not out of danger, yet.

Under the guidance of their hands and minds, the Falcon accelerates. It dodges and weaves through the asteroid field as they work in tandem – actions completed before thoughts are finished, and by the time they jump to light speed, the grin on Ben's face is a wide as her own.

They look at each other, a tender, quiet peace settling between them. Heat soon follows, unfurling in her stomach, and Ben grows still as if one wrong move might shatter whatever it is that holds them spellbound. A storm gathers behind his eyes as his gaze grows dark and deep, and Rey's skin tingles where her hand holds his, and, for a moment, she wants to forget who they are, forget their past, their future, and everything around them, wants to reach out and kiss him, hard and desperate until their both light-headed, short of breath, his mouth wet and swollen from her fervor.

To her belated relief, Finn's jubilation cuts like a knife through the air, and she abruptly comes back to her senses.

“Woohoo, that was some outstanding flying, Rey,” he cheers, and his voice is like a bucket of cold water upended above her head.

A year, since Ben killed Han, since he tried to kill her friends, since he burned all the bridges she and his family tried to build for him.

The smile slips off her face, and she snatches her hand back.

“Enemies,” she says gruffly, the term as much a reminder for him as it is for her. “One act of kindness is not going to change that.” _Especially, since there was a heft_ _y_ _amount of self-serving interest at play_ , she adds inside her head, squashing the last remnants of gratitude that linger.

He swallows hard and sits back, his gaze carefully blank. “Right. Yes, of course.” Then he stares trough the view screen at the passing stars.

Silence falls like a heavy curtain between them.

Rey sends word to the Resistance that they're on their way back, then coordinates with Finn regarding repairs.

Ben — Kylo, she reminds herself sternly —offers to help.

For a long moment, she hesitates.

Her mind is in turmoil, caught between contradicting thoughts and emotions, and it takes her an embarrassing amount of time to acknowledge that there's a part of her that doesn't want him to be helpful – that clings to the chasm that opened between them – him on one side, everyone she loves on the other, and she standing on the crumbling ruin of a bridge pillar barring passage.

Their eyes meet across that chasm, and she can feel the same pull inside her that drew her in when he first took off his mask. When he exposed the same loneliness – that aching, restlessness, vulnerability – that echoes within her. A part of her resents seeing that mirror image inside his eyes, but another, softer part, wants to protect the fragile spark of light shimmering beyond the surface.

She is afraid of what will happen if she gives him another chance. If she trust him one more time. She has always been a fighter, but he makes her waver and doubt her convictions, makes her want to run away, and that, too, she resents.

In the end, it is guilt for that cowardice as much as practicality that makes her nod and charge him with repairing the hull breach. She will take care of the stabilizer.

She is about to turn away, when his voice stops her.

“I don't expect this to be easy,” he says quietly, resignation heavy in his voice. “I know that I can't undo the things I did.”

She looks back at him, torn between curiosity and anger. “What happened to 'Let the past die'?” she asks and steps closer. “'Kill it if you have to.' Those were your words, right? When my friends were dying?”

He meets her gaze defiantly, even as his chin trembles. His fist clench, and his shoulders rise around his neck. “For as long as I can remember,” he says, “my past has been filled with voices in my head telling me who I should be. How I should think. What I should feel. The things I should accomplish, but never would. Because I was weak. Because, no matter what I did, I would never measure up to my name, my family's legacy.” He stops, short of breath, tension winding so tight around him, that Rey can almost feel the pressure against her own skin.

“Since Snoke died, those voices have been silent.” A lost, haunted look crosses his eyes. “At least, most of the time.”

Her heart seizes painfully. She wants to reach out with comfort and reassurance, and it takes every last drop of self-control not to. She forces herself to recall the reconnaissance reports, the First Order's displeasure with his leadership, the assassination attempts on his life, and their own heated shouting matches across the vast space between galaxies. As much as it breaks her heart to see him in so much pain that he can barely breathe, she can't trust him and doesn't know if she ever will again.

Fighting down tears, she straightens her spine. “What do you want from me?” she asks, the gentleness in her tone the only concession to sympathy she will allow both of them.

He closes his eyes, but doesn't answer. Through the bond, Rey can feel nothing but confusion gathering in ever-building waves. They drown out any emotions that might hover beneath the surface, and she realizes that he simply doesn't know.

Perhaps it is foolish, but it gives her hope.

An image floats to the surface. Her, standing in the cavern, and Ben beside her, proffering a light. Only this time, she looks into the mirror, and sees that same light reflected in his eyes, glowing inside his chest. _It's yours, if you want it._

It staggers her, that realization that what she had taken as an offer of knowledge had been something else entirely, and she recoils, even as Kylo bends over double and forces the image back below the waves. He presses his palms against his forehead and pulls in a ragged breath. “Ignore that,” he says, his voice hoarse. “Please, just... ignore it.”

Abruptly, he straightens, and even if the red rims around his eyes tell a different story, his expression is one of studied neutrality. “I know this has no place here,” he says, his voice not quite as steady as he wants it to be, if the flicker of resignation in his eyes is anything to go by. “This connection between us... it's tempestuous enough as it is. I have no intention of making it more complicated.”

It takes her a moment to compose herself, to pull herself out of the roiling sense of longing that had washed through his mind and flooded hers. Her emotions are far too raw for her to trust herself with a reply, and so she limits herself to a brief nod, acknowledging the truth of his words. What she needs most right now is space and time to think.

Her hands are shaking as she grabs her tools. She clears her throat. “We should both get on with the repairs,” she says quietly. “We'll need this rust bucket back in shape by the time we get to the base.”

He does not reply, but stands up and reaches for his glove, and Rey's breath stalls in her throat as a memory flashes through her mind. An image, caught only out of the corner of her eye, half-forgotten in the melee of battle.

His teeth tearing off the glove.

A shudder runs through her, at once hot and cold, as her traitorous mind wonders how his mouth would look unfastening her clothes. She snatches the image back immediately, but it's too late.

 _Oh, hell no_ , she thinks despairingly as she hears a soft, chocking sound, and Ben freezes mid-motion. He whips his head around, pupils blown wide, lips parted on a breath.

Closing her eyes and pressing her lips together, she fights off her mortification and valiantly suppresses the sudden, near hysterical urge to laugh.

She is going to blame this on adrenalin.

No other reason for it.

_None. At. All._

She gives him a mental push and slams the bond shut between them.

Then tries to convince herself that the heat in her cheeks stems from a defect in the ships climate controls.

“I'll ignore yours, if you'll ignore mine,” she says, absurdly proud of the querulous undertone she manages to push into her voice.

His Adam's apple bobs convulsively, but he nods. His hand clenches around the glove.

 

* * *

 

She finds Finn in the corridor, crouching by one of the sleeping guards. He springs up when he sees her approach.

“Everything okay?” he asks, his eyes darting behind her, no doubt searching for their missing prisoner.

Rey lets out a breath. “Not by half,” she says and pulls Finn into a brief hug.

“You know, I get the feeling that no matter how this arrangement between the Resistance and Kylo Ren plays out, it's going to be an interesting ride.”

 


End file.
